“Jeeeeesus, help me.” I bawled.
The doctor took one long look at me and resumed her procedure as though oblivious to my pain. The catheter she fed into the vein below my elbow plunged me into intense agony. It hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before. This was a deep-vein intravenous and not the usual one on the wrist. Short of yelling the place down, I was in super turmoil as she yanked the catheter out again. She poked and prodded looking for a good vein and I sang yee o with every jolt of pain. Modesty was not required at this time; I just had to give vent to my discomfort.
It took an excruciating thirty minutes of threading needles through my delicate skin before we finally had a breakthrough. Did I breathe a sigh of relief? Not yet. It was just the beginning of the journey and it was too late to back out. Had I known it would hurt this much, I might have delayed the procedure and worked harder at getting divine healing; painlessly. But then this procedure was needful and urgently too.
If the Lord revealed every hurdle, pain or valley we’d pass through before time, many of us might think twice about going on with Him. However, God in His infinite wisdom reveals the glory to come so that it would cushion us against thoughts of hopelessness when we momentarily swing through the valley.
Catheter in place, surgical gown donned and final prayer mumbled, I took the short steps down the hallway to the white room. Lying on the cold hard table, I stared at the ceiling refusing to admire or even acknowledge the little gadgets displayed for butchery. My heart thumped wildly. Scenarios of life bombarded my thoughts, pretty much like ‘my life flashing slowly, slowly before my eyes’. And you know the all-important question people often ask when they’re in this kind of situation, ‘Will I die?’
The question I asked was, ‘Lord, did I not reckon myself healed?’ I was desperate to know if all my confessions, prayers, study and stance of faith were not enough to qualify me for a miracle because I saw myself healed. Here’s a quick reminder of how faith works: Faith is energized by a good grasp of God’s word, an absolute trust in God that translates to immediate action. Just as the scripture:
‘If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this Mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the root and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.” Luke 17:6.
The Lord didn’t give me an answer so I went ahead to remind Him of His many promises and why I shouldn’t, wasn’t ready to cross to the other side.
A couple of hours later, I was back in the recovery room under heavy sedation. When I finally came to, I screamed the place down. The anesthesia had worn off and my body recoiled at the intense pain. The tender care of the nurses who bathed me every day and the doctors who oversaw my recovery propelled me to appreciate and thank God for good doctors, equipment, nurses, environment and just everything I could comprehend at the time.
Having surgery didn’t negate my faith. God could have used any method at all to heal me. The issue was for me to trust Him. Remember when Jesus mixed saliva with dust to make mud to heal a blind man? We would say that was crude but it worked didn’t it? The next day, I got the depressing news that I would have to go back for more surgery; something else was wrong.
Like most people, I had hoped for the boom-type healing where I would later stand on the pulpit and recount how God’s awesome power zipped through my body in an instant. However, in reality what I needed was reconstructive surgery. I had faith for the diagnosed symptoms but was unaware of the other life threatening issues at stake so my faith couldn’t have worked without medical intervention. That’s why doctors are a blessing. When I finally understood what was really wrong with me, it was easy to ask, speak and apply God’s word to the remaining two procedures which were like a walk in the park.
On my second visit to the white room, by which time I had become accustomed to the not so glorious scenery; I said a short prayer, not asking for anything, no discussion, just a ‘thank you, Lord for life’ when I heard the Lord spoke.
“Daughter, I am taking you through this route in spite of yourself, in spite of your faith. Through this you can appreciate others in pain, encourage and help them trust me in their situations. This is not about you; it’s about me, my plans and my purpose.”
‘What!’ This isn’t about me? I can’t even feel sorry for myself and gather pity party for what I’m going through? I ruminated. The pain and agony I’d been through and the earth-shattering news that I had a life-threatening issue that required swift surgery isn’t about me?
Moments later, the anesthesia engulfed me in a deep sleep. I was discharged with full instructions on how to care for myself for the next six weeks. The doctor warned that I may never fully recover and there was a likelihood of recurrence in a very short while. Determined to go beyond the doctor’s report, although I took labored steps, I attempted things I was physically incapable of. I let God’s word take full control as I spoke and claimed healing and health. Within four weeks I was back on my feet, resumed work, got a very positive report during the third check-up and up till recent times.
You see, this was not just about faith and divine healing because all along it wasn’t about me. There was a bigger picture than my little situation that God was interested in. Not that my pain didn’t matter to Him; it did, more than I’ll ever understand.
“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities…” Heb 4:15.
I’ve had the luxury of instant healings in the past and that could easily put me in a position to judge people who are unable to fully grasp His word for healing or even discourage those who truly need medical intervention. Healing is not always instantaneous and constructive miracles are not as common. Besides, if we cannot aptly apply the word of God to combat a common cold or headache, we certainly cannot for a tumor or cancer.
But the real issue here is that even if I had enough faith to be healed without medical intervention, God chose to override it. Sometimes we get so complacent with God’s blessings we take it for granted. We get out of school with honors, get a sterling job and fabulous pay with trips abroad, get married, pop out two or three kids, our bodies are fit and healthy and everything is just honky-dory.
Now the question is: If God were to ruffle our cute little existence with a series of impossibilities would we still serve Him?
Could a season of lack, for instance, compromise your integrity? Imagine praising God on an empty stomach and no hope of breaking your circumstance-imposed fast. Some of us need a season of lack to fully appreciate giving. Our triumph over trials (“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.” James 1:3) could be the only unspoken sermon someone would need to receive Christ and get into God’s kingdom. “You are our epistles written in our hearts, known and read by all men.” 2 Cor 3:2
But let’s hear it from a man whose life is such an epistle:
“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” 2 Cor 12:7-12
Paul’s ‘thorn in the flesh’ had nothing to do with his lack of faith. It had everything to do with God’s infinite purpose. If God means business with you, He will ruffle your feathers till He squeezes every ounce of flesh out of you and remold you to be EVERYTHING He created you to be and steer you in the direction of your destiny.
I then began to understand the reasons behind ‘some’ not all of my adversities because ‘many are the afflictions of the righteous’. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying every sickness, infirmity or adversity comes because God has a higher purpose. God does not get any glory in sicknesses, diseases or self-inflicted adversity.
Our lives are not solely about us. How dare we live as if we’re all that matters. You, me, us, we might be the only opportunity someone may need to meet the Saviour. We might be the one God wants to use to deliver an individual, a family or a nation. It is only what we do for God that counts for eternity and that’s why it gives me great pleasure to know that there’s profit in my pain. And really, it’s an honor to be used by God in anyway He deems fit.
So my question to you is: ‘Are you too busy minding your business, living your life for you such that you can’t be bothered about others? Or can God count on you to be His instrument of salvation? Will you permit Him to use you to show the world what real compassion is when He puts you in the shoes of those in need of compassion? Will you permit Him to show you what giving is really all about when you gaze at the cross and see the ultimate giving in action?
If so, get ready because like a tornado, He’s going to rip through your life. But remember that AFTER EVERY CROSS AND THORN THERE’S A CROWN AND THERE’S A GLORY.
“And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.” 1 Cor 9:25
Now you have a choice, you can choose.
P.S: Olusola is a wife, mother and a God lover. I will be featuring her posts for the month. She blogs at http://www.histiara.com. Please check her out. She’s got the Word for the season
Rahab Memoirs' 