What I want in a man? part 1


As I put down my fingers on my laptop to begin to write this midnight  , all that I could hear is the voice of someone very familiar to me , the voice that  I have heard for twenty five years of my life , the voice of my mother chiding me to have always a to-do list , ‘’tolulope, always have a plan , and for heavens’ sake , be tidy ‘’ , she will  go ahead and rebuke me in her exasperated voice ‘’ how are you coping in this room , can’t  you just tidy it up and have a plan on how to keep it clean ‘’.

‘’Plan’’ , did I hear just remember that, this is a word that am not genetically oriented to like and then as a teenager I was always lost because to me ‘list’ sounds like a Latin word , my Dad love to use to intimidate his friends who are not smart enough to remember it from their Latin classes.  I can’t count the number of times I was forced to have this ‘list’  conversation with my mum, heaven knows that then I love to tidy up my room , but I just  can’t keep it clean because am always in a hurry to pick things up and never return to where I met it , so my room was always untidy.

As I grew up and started to mature into a young lady , people that I met attributed my lack of organisation to my temperament , they introduced me to Tim Lahaye and his bestselling book ‘Why You Act the Way You Do’, when I read this book, a feeling of exhilaration ran through my spine , as I couldn’t wait to tell my folks of why I can’t keep my room tidy and why I can’t just have a list. Trust my dad to always have a wise answer to every of my ‘’weird discovery’’ , he told me in Yoruba ‘’ tii idi baje , tii onidi ni o ma da’’ , meaning ‘’ if one’s life turns out to be bad , it’s the business of the owner , not anyone’’.

When I started working in corporate organisations , I discovered something called ‘STICK-ONS’, it’s a piece of paper that one can write on and stick it to the table  to remind us of what we need to do , and again, I failed with this new technology , not only do this stick-ons come in hard copy , they are there on my system waiting for me to write my list on it , so that I may have a better output. I tried to for days to write down my plans , aspirations , people to call, people to send texts to , books to read , time to wake up at night to pray , devoted time to study the Word e.t.c.

The truth is that I really tried in following this plan , I prayed to God to  give me the discipline to structure my life  after this list of mine , but I kept on  failing , however overtime I just gave up on the ‘List’ issue and began to live my life on impulse which is the wrongest thing anyone can do. Last afternoon , I was chatting with my senior friend ,Buky, and she mentioned ‘’ tolulope , you should have a list of what you want in a man, how you want him to look, his desires if they match yours, if I wanted to be a stay home mum , if I want to have plenty kids and so on’’.

Immediately Buky mentioned ‘list’ , I knew I was in trouble , because she was correct in telling me to have a list of what I want in man, and really I have never sat to compile a list about this most critical aspect of my life . She mentioned ‘List’ and I discovered how scattered and disillusioned have being on this ‘Love life’ of mine. I am 25 , and it is highly pathetic that  I don’t have a list , not even a make shift one , as she casually advised , I knew that I was obviously not ready for the aisle because in the list she tried putting up for me , I was lost.

After the chat , while working in the newsroom ,surrounded by quiet humming’s of the split air conditioners and the frequent promptings of the Chief Editor , I asked myself  this question ‘’WHAT DO I WANT IN A MAN?

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