My new hunger

The other day at home on my bed receiving a call from a friend, surrounded by family, I suddenly came to a realization that the word called JOY is not as common as people tend to assume because it is not earthly at all. For a long time , in fact for all I could remember, I have always longed for things that will spring forth joy in me , this pursuit has been one major force that throws me into lots of friendships , relationships, it in a way contributed to my compulsive shopaholic habit.

Joy is one thing everyone desire even the most reprobate, for me it’s that thing in me that I can’t give a name to , that completion that my heart desperately yearns for , sometimes I have this ‘déjà vu ‘ feeling  that I have experienced it before  , then in a flash it dissolves like a heap of ash on the sea. As I receive that call , I try to draw my joy from it , from the calming, baritone voice of my friend , but I couldn’t , even though I was at that minute happy that I am with him on the airwaves , sharing views, right there ,a thought crept  into my subconscious that happiness is far different from joy. It is like day and night, it is not even nearest in meaning like I was taught in my lexicon classes way back, they are opposite, each sourced from different personalities.

While happiness can be bought in any market of today’s world , it can be faked by even the dumbest actors , it can be imagined by anybody and of course be gotten through any means , joy is like a spring that has only one source; GOD .

Years before now, I will sit and think that having a man will in a way complete me , that it will somehow give my life a meaning , how wrong I was to ignorantly commit this blunder , because no matter how much love a man claims to have for me , no matter how much of my body he can reach and touch  , there will always a part of me ,he won’t ever get to ;my Spirit , and if he can’t get there , how can he satisfy its desires. Before you get me wrong , it’s 100% possible that a man loves me , and he makes me deliriously excited and feel all the tingles in this world , but the fact remains that he is not capable of helping me discover my purpose which alone can bring forth joy in me. That essence of life can only be gotten through a Higher Source.

My hunger for joy has made trek the crowdy  road of materialism ,as I get to this point , I can only sigh because am still walking this road, I can only beg God to teach me not to look around and focus on Him for in Him , there is joy or let me write , He’s JOY personified. In this market of ‘ ‘get more ,get more’’ , a lot screams at me saying ‘ ‘more T.M, Hawes & Curtis, Polo shirts ,Nine West, designer goods , latest phones will land me into the country called JOY’’, but am always wrong anytime I make this assumption for it is a foolish thing to think that  any of these termites prone stuff will ever give me that eternal joy.

As an individual that loves to personalize things , I hereby give my definition of this ethereal gift , Joy is being restful in the midst of pain , knowing that trials are normal things God uses to strengthen us and make us super heroes. Joy is being contented when there is nothing that looks like mint in my bank account , and I can dance with my neighbor that bought his 3rd car. Joy is knowing that there are some things I shouldn’t bother trying to unravel for they are mysteries reserved for heaven. Joy is believing in God and thanking  even when my body loses it youthful appeal and bow to diseases, to me that is joy.

This joy am writing about , does it look like anything any human can give me.