Stopping the circle


Weeks ago I went for an official meeting in one of the well known hotels in Lagos, as I prepared to take an eye tour of the lodge and people as well, I made an unexpected eye contact with a familiar face. The face happened to belong to one of my male senior friends; I was so excited to see one face I knew in the mammoth of faces that surrounded me.  He was equally happy to meet me as he quickly abandoned the idea of sleeping in his suite upstairs; as we began to catch up on old gist, he suddenly looked into my eyes and asked me, “Tolulope, what is happening to Rahab Memoirs, I have not been seeing your posts, are you alright.”

When I heard him say this, shame and pain made a mixture in my gut, tears smarted on my eyelids, making me remember what made me remember my dreams. Struggling to wade my way through, I stammered up many excuses , why I have not been true to my dreams, why I have allowed myself to be drawn in the pit of emptiness, why I have not found time to ask God the next step in my career, why I have allowed money to be my idol.

In my heart I was expecting my friend to be sympathetic to my woes, unfortunately for me, he bluntly told me, “Tolu, if you have passion for something, you don’t let go, even in the face of pains and trials. Tolu, please stay true to your dreams and passion that is what will make you stand out.”

Over the last months, I have bowed down severally to idols and not to God, I have allowed strange companions including ingratitude, pride, laziness to be my bed fellows. I complain all day long about unfair life and people are to me , I have gotten in contact  with my ridiculous sensitive nature, taking offense to everything people say.

As I write this, I know that I don’t want to walk this road again, I don’t want to be that woman that is pitied every day, I don’t want to be the woman that cries at any sight of trouble, I don’t want to be that money-hungry individual that am fast becoming, I don’t want to be that lady that expects too much from people.

 In three weeks time, I will be walking down the aisle  with the love of my life , OLUWASEYIFUNMI, and God knows I want to be a better person , I want to seek Him in every way, I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. I want to stay true to my dream which is writing and totally for now forget about money or material things.

Friends, this day I invite you again on the renewal of my vows to writing and blogging, I ask for divine grace from God as I continue to write truly from the heart and even extend it to fiction because that is my dream.

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Life after the miracle


It is not everyday a dead man wakes up from the grave or morgue , it is not an occasional thing for a cancer patient to be healed , it is not something common for a childless woman to miss her monthly period and carry her miracle baby. It is very rare these days to see a decade long habit break in few minutes or a hardened reprobate change in a single encounter with God. But no matter how rare these miracles are , they happen and of course to human beings , miracles from God are like rain that have been held up in the sky and suddenly let down on a  dry infertile desert , they are refreshing relief to our desperate souls.

I have been through circumstances that seemly look impossible , situations like giants that won’t just budge , habits that were so part of me that most times it looked normal to my life but in all of this , I have seen God’s hands move upon me , I have been sought out by God and miraculously saved by His grace. In weeks , I have discovered how much God can change a person , how much history  He can rewrite , how much of a destiny He can change.

After the thirst in the desert , after the scorching sun in the wilderness of the problems , suddenly the miracles come , the habit is broken , the child is born , the job is secured , the husband walks in through the door totally repentant, the wayward child becomes an instrument of God ,the  cancer suddenly becomes benign , fibroids turn to fetuses  and we  become carriers of miracles, then what happens?

This is what I have found myself in these days , I have the miracles  and suddenly pride is showing up on my doorsteps , giving me an attitude against God, am scared , so scared because I can’t sustain these miracles  without the One that  gave me the miracles in the first place. As ridiculous as it may sound , I am finding so easy to stay back in bed at 5.00 a.m instead of jumping out to praise and pray to God , the idea of watching the soap operas is becoming an option to my daily Bible study , my mind is slipping at the edge of ‘I can do it all alone’.

As I write this piece , Holy Spirit whispered into my soul to be sober and watchful for my enemy stands real close to my miracles , wanting to turn it into snares not the blessings God intended it to be . This is my prayer this morning .

Prayer: God , You know am nothing without You , am just a lump of clay without Your breath , help me to walk in You , and live in You. I surrender my life , my job , my relationships , my family ,my money , everything to You. I receive a meek heart that thirsts for You everyday.Pride has no hold on me for I am Your workmanship, help me to see my miracles as anchors in You that will forever tie me to You, let my life after the miracles be surely better than the life before the miracles in You, God.