My speck is bigger than yours


For few weeks now, I have been enjoying the media attention , I have been praised by my colleagues about my guts to write on sensitive issues , my wonderful friends have made it a habit of encouraging me which I deeply appreciate, my yahoo inbox, facebook and twitter have been jammed with messages spurring me on in the goodwork. Even though I have over times promised God never to be puffed up or self-reliant , the same things  I have been writing about, have revengefully turned around to haunt my soul, seriously threatening to destroy my testimony.

How easy it is to point the accusing finger, how pampering it can be for the soul to put down another fellow who fell into sin and self- righteously say ‘’’I can not believe, she is this promiscuous , does she have self-control at all’’ or go ahead to reveal another man’s secret ‘’my friend , did you hear that sister mercy put to bed six months after her wedding’’.

I have been guilty of this shameful behaviour, I have over times hanged out with friends and accuse people of their sins , I have been in forefront of debates of how people can be so weak in the face of sins. I have wondered within myself  why some people kept on eating their own vomit , my self- righteousness has subdued my compassion , always quick to put down and not extend a hand of mercy just God does for me every second of my life. I have like a hangman sentenced lots of people to the gallows just like Hamman with my tongue , what I don’t know is that for every pit dug by a Hamman , he ends up inside.

Before I really digress , I must write that the devil is not only after the unbelievers , he is after everyone Jesus died for , He wants as much as possible to get everyone in hell, so he is crazily haunting us with sins or let me write our weaknesses.

I have it a hard time to sit down and write about this , because I felt it is too spiritual and my readers might find it boring , I have wrestled with the Spirit , begging Him to make Him conceal my sins , but I can’t again , for without writing this , I might not be able to write again . Where you are sitting and reading this , you are probably thinking that ‘’ what possibly can be Tolu’s weaknesses , she is smart , cute and spiritual’’, you are correct in those observations but only superficially correct because to every human you see , there is always a depth that no one can successfully dissect except the Creator. Human beings are not just what we see , we are complex spiritual beings trying to live on the flesh, never possible though.

These days , temptations have constantly lodged at my doorstep like a lion waiting  for its prey, I have been down, I have over the weeks doubted my own faith in God , I have cried endlessly not because I have no food on my table nor clothes on my back , nor money in my account , nor love in my life but because my grip of the Word is slipping fast , because my mind is now a vagabond roaming aimlessly , sins of diverse manner is becoming enticing to me.

Friends , I am not ashamed to ask you all to take a pause from whatever you are doing and please ask for strength for my mind , I need to be able to accept my Daddy’s love with no shame , I need to decrease so that God will forever increase , for this friends ,please pray.


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My love secrets


From where I sit to write this , I could literally feel love in the air , as I put my hands on the keyboard to put my thoughts down , goose pimples line up my upper arms causing me to shake . This time of the year is when torrent of hormones flow unending in my bloodstream, making me cry with joy whenever I watch a country romance comedy where the man sweeps his maiden  off her feet , this period is when I dare to reveal more of myself to my friends , fellow bloggers  and tell them few things I can’t ever apologize  for , at least in this present world.

To people that don’t really know me, because I must  confess, am quite complex to understand , one minute ,I might be a drama queen and laugh like someone with no worries in the world ,the next minute I am all serious ,facing my business . Firstly , to know me is to know that am so into God , totally sold out to  Him and since He discovered and wooed me and I became His sweetheart , I have always been bursting in my seams to share the Good News of  this incredible love story.

Since this romance between Him and I started , there are lots of sentences like these ‘’ What will I do without Jesus ?, I love You so much , Am nothing without You ‘’ have comfortably wiggled their ways into my day to day lexicon . That doesn’t mean I am perfect , in fact I still have a long way to go  or I don’t commit biblical faux pas ,it simply means I am nothing without God and I will keep searching and chasing Him till I become all what He wants to become.

Another thing you won’t ever see me being ashamed of, is my diehard obsession for romance . I am a sanguine and the whole idea of ‘boy meets gir’l is such a big deal to me, any day ,  I am a sucker for love . I am one of the girls that got exposed early  to the world of knights in shining armour through the reputed Mill and Boons , though over the years , some  princes have turned to frogs , it still doesn’t change my perception of love.

Yes, I agree that age and experience has finally succeeded in  making  my head correct, unlike former years when I was starry eyed and quite stupid , am still a fan of love because I believe in it . There are deep rooted ideologies that I am going back to , there are basics of romance that must bloom again regardless of the dark clouds that pervade the horizon , there are God-created rules about love that must be followed again .

It’s Valentine again , and am gushing with so much love , I wish you could see my heart right now , love is not something anyone should give up on , it is not a commodity in the market that anyone should  ignore . I know this world is so unfair and dirty , but common on , that is the reason why love is needed , it opens us to a new world where beauty doesn’t count , where charisma is so embarrassed to show its face , because Love rules.

Love is what makes me  laugh hysterically in the bathroom when I remember what my man said in his last conversation , it is what makes me 18 years again as I dance around my room trying to picture his face next to mine . Love is what makes me blush when no one is around except for the memories of our togetherness, love is beautiful that is not restricted to male/female alone , it is what makes you see a beggar on the roadside and stop to drop few naira in the outstretched hands.

Love is what makes you treat everyone with fairness regardless of their class, age , it is what makes you want to wake up everyday and face this cruel world.

Happy Valentine to all my friends , bloggers , this time next year ,it will be a better one for all of us as all our prayers will have been answered .