My speck is bigger than yours

For few weeks now, I have been enjoying the media attention , I have been praised by my colleagues about my guts to write on sensitive issues , my wonderful friends have made it a habit of encouraging me which I deeply appreciate, my yahoo inbox, facebook and twitter have been jammed with messages spurring me on in the goodwork. Even though I have over times promised God never to be puffed up or self-reliant , the same things  I have been writing about, have revengefully turned around to haunt my soul, seriously threatening to destroy my testimony.

How easy it is to point the accusing finger, how pampering it can be for the soul to put down another fellow who fell into sin and self- righteously say ‘’’I can not believe, she is this promiscuous , does she have self-control at all’’ or go ahead to reveal another man’s secret ‘’my friend , did you hear that sister mercy put to bed six months after her wedding’’.

I have been guilty of this shameful behaviour, I have over times hanged out with friends and accuse people of their sins , I have been in forefront of debates of how people can be so weak in the face of sins. I have wondered within myself  why some people kept on eating their own vomit , my self- righteousness has subdued my compassion , always quick to put down and not extend a hand of mercy just God does for me every second of my life. I have like a hangman sentenced lots of people to the gallows just like Hamman with my tongue , what I don’t know is that for every pit dug by a Hamman , he ends up inside.

Before I really digress , I must write that the devil is not only after the unbelievers , he is after everyone Jesus died for , He wants as much as possible to get everyone in hell, so he is crazily haunting us with sins or let me write our weaknesses.

I have it a hard time to sit down and write about this , because I felt it is too spiritual and my readers might find it boring , I have wrestled with the Spirit , begging Him to make Him conceal my sins , but I can’t again , for without writing this , I might not be able to write again . Where you are sitting and reading this , you are probably thinking that ‘’ what possibly can be Tolu’s weaknesses , she is smart , cute and spiritual’’, you are correct in those observations but only superficially correct because to every human you see , there is always a depth that no one can successfully dissect except the Creator. Human beings are not just what we see , we are complex spiritual beings trying to live on the flesh, never possible though.

These days , temptations have constantly lodged at my doorstep like a lion waiting  for its prey, I have been down, I have over the weeks doubted my own faith in God , I have cried endlessly not because I have no food on my table nor clothes on my back , nor money in my account , nor love in my life but because my grip of the Word is slipping fast , because my mind is now a vagabond roaming aimlessly , sins of diverse manner is becoming enticing to me.

Friends , I am not ashamed to ask you all to take a pause from whatever you are doing and please ask for strength for my mind , I need to be able to accept my Daddy’s love with no shame , I need to decrease so that God will forever increase , for this friends ,please pray.

20 Comments (+add yours?)

    Mar 23, 2011 @ 13:08:25

    After reading this, i cudnt help but sigh. Thee story you tell here is the story of every youth who is grasping to increase in his/her understanding of his/her Maker. This goes to also remind us that we are humans with discernable human frails, failings and weaknesses. All we need to do is admit our weaknesses, come before Him who is able to strenghten us. We are also to understand that the race, this race is not to the swift, nor is this battle for the strong, but we must keep asking for His grace, which in any case is sufficient for us.

    Tolulope, as Christ lives, you will not fail; you will not fall. You will not be wise in your own eyes. You will serve God to the end of your days, the enemies of your soul will fail over you, amen. Keep keeping on ma, God bless you!


  2. lovely me
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 13:23:02

    You just earned my respect in a BIG BIG way. No one would ever write this (Rarely would you see someone who would). We all face these temptations one way or the other, one time or the order and i tell you it takes huge grace to talk about one’s lapses and flaws…its easy to point accusing fingers and condemn. I pray God will help us all to stay true to Him in this corrupt and perverse world around us.

    It is well with you my dear……the Grace of the Lord will keep and see you through it all and you ll come out a Victor. You ll be in my prayers.

    God bless you.


    • Tolu
      Mar 24, 2011 @ 14:07:51

      Ronke, I really appreciate your prayers, God knows that I seriously need it , sister we are finishing strong in Jesus name.


  3. tola adeyinka
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 13:29:28

    As I read this is what came to my mind is: Guard your heart with all deligence, for out of it flows the issues of life.
    It is well dear.


  4. Jaycee (E.A)
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 19:48:24

    Not just for your mind, Tolu…but the prayer is for all of us.

    One of the most passionate men in the bible, Paul said (paraphrased), “The spirit [constantly] wars against the flesh, and it’s a matter of who wins.”

    That tells me that this flesh is weak. But the spirit is stronger. This also tells me that the flesh will always threaten the spirit. But the spirit will always overcome (if we keep it alive). So don’t think that it’s impossible, because it is possible for you NOT to do these things.

    Nevertheless, there’s none of us who’s perfect. That’s why I love this line: “You are correct in those observations but only superficially correct because to every human you see , there is always a depth that no one can successfully dissect except the Creator.”


    • Tolu
      Mar 25, 2011 @ 18:29:30

      Jaycee, I really appreciate this , the flesh is dangerous, not relenting at all, I have fallen these times but I have risen ,just by God’s grace.


  5. funke o.
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 21:05:17

    I pray for your reading, and me writing and especially for Tolu that the Lord will strengthen us as we hang on His every word. He is faithful to the very end and as long as we desire to and long for Him, He won’t fail us AMEN. I’ve been going through similar circumstance and i realized i probably relied on my own strength forgetting it is by God’s grace.
    May God grant us His grace to see us through till the very end, not just finishing but finishingstrong in Him Amen.


    • Tolu
      Mar 25, 2011 @ 18:36:48

      Funke, we are treasures in earthly vessels, for me , I have it a hard time to control the flesh but i know am helped of the Lord, funke , i wont stop praying until the flesh is subdued


  6. Bomi
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 08:45:37

    Amen… for you and indeed for us all… Amen.


  7. Maidofheart
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 15:53:24

    This kind of brokenness is so needful for us all. God highly regards people with a broken and contrite spirit. Thanks for sharing this and a big ‘amen’ to your prayers.


  8. Tolulope Ilesanmi
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 10:33:36

    You speak for us all. And with you, we can all be encouraged that when we are weak, then we are strong, because His strength is made perfect in weakness. When we fall down, we can rest assured that we have a God who will not break a bruised reed nor quench a smoking flax. As often as we may fall in our walk so often He lifts us up again.

    I love Donnie McClurkin’s song “We fall down but we get up…for a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up.”

    You, me, us are not alone. David, a man after God’s own heart fell down very flat and committed atrocities that you and I would not commit. God seems to be more at home with brokenness at times than with perfection, provided “we get up” and I know you will, as we all do.


    • Tolu
      Mar 28, 2011 @ 14:12:41

      Tolu, thank you so much for everything , only God can reward you for the labour of love , i found the song on yesterday and I couldn’t stop listening to it, it brought tears to my eyes. thank you


  9. Lara Daniels
    Mar 28, 2011 @ 02:46:44

    Tolu, God’s word says that He is able to help us when we are tempted because he too was tempted. He who has called you is faithful to carry you to the very end. He will definitely fulfill all of his purpose for you. He is your storyteller, and he has scripted your story to overcome.


  10. Buky of Bukville
    Mar 30, 2011 @ 06:56:25

    So honest, personal and very touching. Everyone can relate.
    We’ve all been there and said this and that, words we cannot take back, regrets that we have to live with forever
    We have been judge and jury. How dare we!!
    The different is you now know better and will do better
    as long as we live we will constantly struggle with sin,
    But we have the grace of God and His mercy in abundance Good job, Tolu.


  11. Rachael
    Apr 23, 2011 @ 18:47:29

    I relate with you, Tolu. There are many voices saying “you need this” or “you should have this” or “this will make you happy”…sometimes it is hard to block out those voices and hear the voice of our Savior. It is easy to follow what the world does but difficult to follow Jesus. But He is good. I like what the first person said in his comments: “we must keep asking for His grace, which in any case is sufficient for us.” And it is. Jesus said that never will He leave us or forsake us. He will remain faithful, and we can trust that He keeps His promises. May Jesus strengthen and equip you to follow Him.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: