What I want in a man? part 2

Christmas this year was one ‘quick show’ for me, as I only got a day off from work to travel home to Ilesa, so I had to spend the other day (boxing day) at work which was very sad for me, people that heard that I was at work only confirmed their fears of me being a workaholic, lol.

One good thing that  came out from this ‘always at work’ issue is that I have finally learnt how to be stay  still in a place and think , hours of being glued in front of the  system has produced periods of meditation which I have not being able to achieve in the past years. With the meditation sessions comes along my new hobby: MUSIC, while streaming through songs last  Christmas , since I was stuck in the office , I heard a song from Toni Braxton.

Toni Braxton’s ‘Woman’ made sense to me as I gently swing my hips to the beats , ‘I am a woman who knows what she wants,,,,,’ and the question that keeps appearing in my mind is ‘ what exactly do I need in a man’ . This question scares me more than the rodents that invaded my room when I was in the University , because I really can’t answer , I know am supposed to know ,but I don’t because I can only have a list if I know myself. Since I wrote the first part of this piece , I have been going about with a small brown jotter in my bag , scribbling my thoughts every minute trying so hard to compile something for this piece am writing.

Now am writing , and without the small brown jotter because the list in it  doesn’t make sense to me , if I were to go by a list , then I would have had an answer to Buky when she asked me . If I were to have a list then it is not going to start at all with  a Man , it’s not going to  make it’s headlines’ MAN LIST’, because it is not about him this time , it is about having that long chat with God , so that I can really know who I am. My list is not starting with MAN-CAPABILITIES, it  is starting with me.

When Buky mentioned ‘list’  weeks ago , I was a little bit insincere because I had a list then , I had a list I have been judging men with  all these years , it’s a twisted one , but I have it anyway , it goes thus : God fearing , intelligent, handsome , smart, high sense of humour , easy to be with , and obviously taller than me , romantic, passionate , e.t.c , that was the list in my mind, I guessed I didn’t tell  Buky about it  because I knew right in my heart , that was not the list God wanted, though it looks kind of cool. My old list is self- centred , petty , it’s a list that asks too much from  a human . It should not be like that .

I am a woman , and I ovulate every month ,that is not a mistake , it is for a purpose , I am specifically created by God to bring comfort to everyone around me , bring love to people that seemingly  look as if they don’t need it , add wisdom to my beauty at all times , be the best wife any man can ask for , train up kids that will in future destroy the kingdom of hell , that is the list I should have, not going about having 101 things my man should have  .

If I fail to be all these , then I am certainly not in a position to have a list about a man at all , because if he were to be the best man that ever walked on  this earth , I will never be fit for him.In all this I pray to God to make  me a woman that will be a woman in deed because eventually the Bible saying ‘Deep calls  unto deep in the roar of your waterfall’ will come true between me and my man.

27 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ayodele
    Jan 04, 2011 @ 00:57:09

    I read this piece with so much enthusiasm expecting a detailed list that would probably take an angel to fully fit into. By the time I finished your writeup, I was going to say “thumbs up” and probably give you a bear hug :D.

    While studying Genesis this morning, I was struck by Gen 2:18 (Amplified Bible). The emphasis on complementary helper shows a woman whose personal preparation has a need to meet in the life of her spouse. When we come up with the list of he must be this or she must be that.. I seat down and ruminate, what is it that exactly qualifies me for that kind of person I have etched in my mind. What have I got to offer too? Selah. Good write. Your head is correct 😉


    • Tolu
      Jan 04, 2011 @ 13:27:25

      thank you, ayo , am so grateful. you know i have heard so much about 101 things to look for in a man , and still people make mistakes ,but that’s not the problem but us as individuals. thanks.
      share the message bros.


  2. foluso
    Jan 04, 2011 @ 05:40:25

    Beautiful and inspiring piece. Marraiges would be more of a paradise on earth if everyone thought more on what to give than to receive. Nice one.


    • Tolu
      Jan 04, 2011 @ 13:32:01

      foluso, thank you for reading. ”For God so loved the world that He gave His only son”, that means we serve a giving God , where did we get this selfish ‘take, take’ habit. may God help us to learn to be good people instead of waiting for good people to straighten us up. compliments


  3. adeshina
    Jan 04, 2011 @ 10:28:13

    tolutope,thank God you were able to identified the right thing.love the concluding part.thumbs up girl.


  4. Lara Daniels
    Jan 04, 2011 @ 14:18:03

    You have a good list Tolu. But remember, we can only attract what we ourselves are. In other words, if you want the best, you’ll have to be the best too. I’m rooting for you to find that man that God desires for you…one that will fit God’s list for you. Good luck!


    • Tolu
      Jan 04, 2011 @ 14:28:49

      thank you so much , lara. how are you doing ? am taking the pills called ‘Patience’, taking it real slow ans steady with God.


  5. Buky
    Jan 04, 2011 @ 19:43:18

    Tolu, I love how you turned this around from part 1. It shows how much thoughtfulness you have put into this topic.

    Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It’s being the right person.


    • Tolu
      Jan 04, 2011 @ 21:31:00

      sister mi, i love the way you said ‘it’s not about finding the right person but being the right person’. God bless you real good.


  6. Cyruswoman
    Jan 04, 2011 @ 21:18:46

    He who finds a wife finds a good thing.she who finds a husband finds a good thing too,i reckon…i reckon there is a list for both ‘wife’ and ‘husband’ to qualify them.i hate 2 stick out but come on ladies…think of it this way.the list doesnt dictate 2 god what u want.i c like the good man qualities r what god cultivates in the ‘husband’ thats a good thing.


    • Tolu
      Jan 04, 2011 @ 21:41:31

      cyrus, i have been awaiting your arrival on rahab memoirs since, it’s nice having you over. you are really true about also having a list, it’s my prayer that God’s perfect will be done in our lives.


  7. Joyce Adams
    Jan 06, 2011 @ 13:23:29

    Great write-up Tolu! The Spirit is one. The article “A husband from the bible” came from a question like this. What are the ideal qualities one should look for in a husband? What are the things we often overlook and which God counts very crucial?

    My prayer is that God will help complete your list and bring to your mind what He knows you need the most.

    Keep writing!


  8. temiville
    Jan 06, 2011 @ 23:11:27

    Spot on! I’m grooming myself to be a great wife. God is too kind to give His precious son to me if I’m not a ‘precious daughter’. I jhave to deserve that great man by working on me. I have to read the bible more, pray more and take good care of myself.

    Tolu, God bless you for this!!!


    • Tolu
      Jan 07, 2011 @ 15:29:27

      temi, it is really nice having you on the blog, i must confess you are a part of the people God is using for my growth , am so blessed by temiville.


  9. thecyruswoman
    Jan 07, 2011 @ 07:51:22

    my list i am almost certain is just the same one God holds in his hand as he molds my man into the perfect one for me. You know He tells the angel in charge, “Cyrus talks too much. Its good for her ministry but now it means she needs a good listener of a man”. Then He will say, “She is a sucker for love this Cyrus of mine, the man to love her ought to be a good kisser and one for holding her hand in public and calling her often through the day when he can”. lol


    • Tolu
      Jan 07, 2011 @ 17:14:05

      cyrusssssssssssssssss, am so loving your list ,especially the ‘Cyrus talks too much, it’s good for her ministry” and my favorite is ”the man to love her ought to be a good kisser”, i can’t stop laughing , my sister


  10. Afolashade Oyedele (SshardeyDiamond)
    Jan 09, 2011 @ 22:05:40

    Hmmmmmmm, babez….never tot of that I must say! How selfish can a lady be 4real…. Nice 1.


    • Tolu
      Jan 10, 2011 @ 12:56:43

      folashade, how are you doing?it is true , we can really be selfish sometimes , always wanting the best things , but never working on ourselves, but we are different , we are women of virtue, women that will change the world through our knees in prayers.


    Jan 10, 2011 @ 16:19:37

    Tolulope. this is so very deep, its not a write – up, but a revelation. As one who has been married for about seven years now, still found a lesson herein. One lesson i am taking away from this piece is that, who we are determines who we attract. The challenge before us all as young people is to shun the pursuit of vain attributes in the other man/woman. It is to see to develop ourselves optimally, and finally, it is to rest in His will for our lives. May his Perfect will, (not His permissive will) be done in our lives, amen! Tolu, thanks for ‘drawing’ me to Rahab Memoirs’, i am enjoying it here.


  12. Tolu
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 16:45:03

    hmmm, bros , am so privileged to have you read this blog, am so glad that it is inspiring you because that it’s reason for its existence. you know ,over times I have asked to give me that ‘right man’ but the question that normally comes back to me is ‘ am i a right person’? may God help us.


  13. lovely me
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 08:45:21


    After reading Part 1, i was excited to switch to part 2 immediately… expecting to see a lonnnnng list but you surprised me!!!

    I must equally develop myself and mold myself into a great woman that deserves a “close to perfect man” that i desire.
    hmmmm………deep and true!

    This is educative! Thanks opening my eye to the other part there is to this topic! God bless you.


    • Tolu
      Jan 17, 2011 @ 14:20:28

      ronke, amen. life is not necessarily about what we get but what we give , i have a new habit of asking myself of what am bringing to the table . will I be a praying wife, a wonderful mother? most times am not sure but that’s why i have God, i ask for His help everyday.


  14. osmanu
    Oct 27, 2011 @ 14:09:52

    hello how are you doing? i would like to get in touch with you to know more about you same way. you to kuow more about me. do you mind? well my name is osumanu amadu. im single not married and im into boxing what of you


  15. osmanu
    Oct 27, 2011 @ 14:11:10

    hello how are you doing? i would like to get in touch with you to know more about you same way. you to kuow more about me. do you mind? well my name is osumanu amadu. im single not married and im into boxing what of you gmail osumanu_amadu@yahoo.com


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