What I want in a man? part 1


As I put down my fingers on my laptop to begin to write this midnight  , all that I could hear is the voice of someone very familiar to me , the voice that  I have heard for twenty five years of my life , the voice of my mother chiding me to have always a to-do list , ‘’tolulope, always have a plan , and for heavens’ sake , be tidy ‘’ , she will  go ahead and rebuke me in her exasperated voice ‘’ how are you coping in this room , can’t  you just tidy it up and have a plan on how to keep it clean ‘’.

‘’Plan’’ , did I hear just remember that, this is a word that am not genetically oriented to like and then as a teenager I was always lost because to me ‘list’ sounds like a Latin word , my Dad love to use to intimidate his friends who are not smart enough to remember it from their Latin classes.  I can’t count the number of times I was forced to have this ‘list’  conversation with my mum, heaven knows that then I love to tidy up my room , but I just  can’t keep it clean because am always in a hurry to pick things up and never return to where I met it , so my room was always untidy.

As I grew up and started to mature into a young lady , people that I met attributed my lack of organisation to my temperament , they introduced me to Tim Lahaye and his bestselling book ‘Why You Act the Way You Do’, when I read this book, a feeling of exhilaration ran through my spine , as I couldn’t wait to tell my folks of why I can’t keep my room tidy and why I can’t just have a list. Trust my dad to always have a wise answer to every of my ‘’weird discovery’’ , he told me in Yoruba ‘’ tii idi baje , tii onidi ni o ma da’’ , meaning ‘’ if one’s life turns out to be bad , it’s the business of the owner , not anyone’’.

When I started working in corporate organisations , I discovered something called ‘STICK-ONS’, it’s a piece of paper that one can write on and stick it to the table  to remind us of what we need to do , and again, I failed with this new technology , not only do this stick-ons come in hard copy , they are there on my system waiting for me to write my list on it , so that I may have a better output. I tried to for days to write down my plans , aspirations , people to call, people to send texts to , books to read , time to wake up at night to pray , devoted time to study the Word e.t.c.

The truth is that I really tried in following this plan , I prayed to God to  give me the discipline to structure my life  after this list of mine , but I kept on  failing , however overtime I just gave up on the ‘List’ issue and began to live my life on impulse which is the wrongest thing anyone can do. Last afternoon , I was chatting with my senior friend ,Buky, and she mentioned ‘’ tolulope , you should have a list of what you want in a man, how you want him to look, his desires if they match yours, if I wanted to be a stay home mum , if I want to have plenty kids and so on’’.

Immediately Buky mentioned ‘list’ , I knew I was in trouble , because she was correct in telling me to have a list of what I want in man, and really I have never sat to compile a list about this most critical aspect of my life . She mentioned ‘List’ and I discovered how scattered and disillusioned have being on this ‘Love life’ of mine. I am 25 , and it is highly pathetic that  I don’t have a list , not even a make shift one , as she casually advised , I knew that I was obviously not ready for the aisle because in the list she tried putting up for me , I was lost.

After the chat , while working in the newsroom ,surrounded by quiet humming’s of the split air conditioners and the frequent promptings of the Chief Editor , I asked myself  this question ‘’WHAT DO I WANT IN A MAN?

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23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ayo phillips
    Dec 23, 2010 @ 15:30:41

    Sowie …but i just can’t hElp laughing…..GOD will def help u with d list…..

    Reply

  2. Buky
    Dec 23, 2010 @ 16:25:23

    Tolu, just when I was enjoying your piece then you pull the rug from under me and kept me hanging on for more!!!

    I sure cant wait to read part 2, when????

    Reply

  3. adeshina
    Dec 23, 2010 @ 17:02:23

    hmmmmm!!! beautiful note.but at times when complying a list of what we want in a man or woman,fantastic is always the order of the day.what we want maybe sometimes be what we dont need.enjoy the xmas as i wait to read the concluding part.

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Dec 24, 2010 @ 00:18:16

      shina, you see that i have approved now, lol.’ what we want maybe not be what we need” that was spot on, i have an experience of that too, will write on it soon ,now I don’t tell God what i want but i tell him to sanctify my needs and make it His.. bros, merry christmas

      Reply

  4. Yemisi
    Dec 24, 2010 @ 08:21:04

    Good sis. Whatever you decide to put on your list make sure you’re still flexible and the man believes in the things that you believe. My confession on my kind of man includes: God’s good and perfect gift that complements me, enhance my life and help fulfil God’s purpose for me; a man that stirs me up spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically.

    Reply

  5. Bomi Jolly
    Dec 25, 2010 @ 10:45:07

    Merry Christmas Tolu!! I am certainly not always the most organized either – always working on it – makes life so much easier.

    Thanks for sharing Tolu! Laughed when I read your Dad’s proverb….and I could just imagine the conversation with your mom:).

    Merry Christmas:)!! God bless you=)!!

    ~Bomi

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Dec 26, 2010 @ 13:13:48

      bomi, merry christmas , how i wish i can talk to you now, but again your number is not reachable. how is uncle folarin , and the two best boys of your, i hope you guys are cool.sis, don’t mind my family , we are so full of proverbs especially my dad, he is always bringing them out at ever opportunity , and i love him for that.
      wait for my list , it will soon be out.

      Reply

  6. Tolu
    Dec 26, 2010 @ 13:09:23

    sis, merry christmas. am saving my list till the part 2. thank you for telling me to make my list flrxible, sis , you can be rest assured that i will.am so loving your list, maybe i can steal some .lol

    Reply

  7. Jennifer Abayowa (Jaycee)
    Dec 26, 2010 @ 22:17:09

    The funny thing about having a ‘list’ is that God will always exceed our expectations. So yes, just like in my own experience, and as Buky advised, it usually ends up being a ‘make-shift’ one. Especially because the more you become mature, the more wisdom you get about the character you need in a partner. Lists are only to keep us on track, but if we trust in God, the best will be ours to keep.

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Dec 27, 2010 @ 12:58:56

      Jaycee, it is so nice having you on Rahab Memoirs, thank you.Merry Christmas.
      Yesterday, while i was working, I couldn’t help but scribble thoughts of what i really want in a man ,hmmmmmm, it’s just complicated , that’s why I have God anyway, because I can’t do it on my own. thank you, and pray along with me , as I become wiser and just have this list.
      p.s: part 2 will be out soon.

      Reply

  8. Joyce
    Dec 27, 2010 @ 14:46:30

    Very nice Tolu!

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Dec 27, 2010 @ 17:22:10

      Joyce, thank you so much , rahab memoirs was first conceived by you , it was carried by buky , i just brought it to life.thank you

      Reply

  9. Poetoria
    Dec 27, 2010 @ 20:38:32

    I guess I’ll just wait a little more and if I find one more person named Tolu with this same ‘problem’, them I’ll know it’s no coincidence. 🙂

    I tend to live on impulse also,feeling like a computer, as if I can remember everything I need to do, but I guess this is a wake up call for me, I might be able to double my productivity if I get more organised with my life.

    Thanks for sharing Tolu.

    P.s Didn’t know you started a blog though, looks really nice

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Dec 27, 2010 @ 21:32:17

      tolu, sake miiii, thanks for dropping by . am so sorry, i thought i told you about the Rahab Memoirs, sorry, kindly subscribe for it. merry Christmas.
      we should deliberately seek to live in the spirit,sake.

      Reply

  10. Afolashade Oyedele (SshardeyDiamond)
    Dec 28, 2010 @ 18:09:52

    Toluh, firstly I must say I’m glad u now have a blog, it’z really cool.
    Secondly, really nice post that made moi ‘lol’….it’z not a bad idea writing thingz u want down, I do it sometimez though I have to make changez when it’z necessary, it’z not bad cuz I think it can help someone in being focuz.

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Dec 28, 2010 @ 21:46:42

      shade , it is so nice having you over on rahab memoirs, thank you so much. now i am compiling a list of what i want and telling Holy Spirit , i hope it’s not late sha. how is your Christmas, friend mi.

      Reply

  11. Lara Daniels
    Jan 03, 2011 @ 08:33:20

    I am smiling cheek to cheek as I read this piece…it brings back memories of being single and making lists too. Buky’s advice is real and true, especially in a world filled with compromises here and there. I can’t wait to find out how that list works out though 🙂

    Reply

    • Tolu
      Jan 03, 2011 @ 12:53:34

      lara, am i not so favoured by God , to have you read this blog. thanks. am taking to buky’s advice ,but not in the way you think, i can’t wait to post my list too.Happy new year.

      Reply

  12. Favoured Girl
    Jan 03, 2011 @ 14:30:46

    I love this post, I remember feeling so disorganised too when I was growing up. I think I’m doing better now, but I’m still a work-in-progress… lol.

    I did encounter your friend’s advice about having a list of attributes you desire in your future husband. In fact I blogged about it here http://journeydowntheaisle.blogspot.com/2006/12/getting-what-i-want.html

    Reply

  13. Favoured Girl
    Jan 03, 2011 @ 14:31:46

    Happy New Year! Hope this year is a very blessed and fulfilling one for you.

    Reply

  14. Tolu
    Jan 03, 2011 @ 14:51:16

    tolu, my sake , thanks so much for reading. compliments of the season , i love the ‘am still a work in progress’, we are all are’, God is our strength. am checking out the blog nowww.

    Reply

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