Spirit Lessons

As humans, there are things we will never understand in this present world except we are connected to the life source which is God , as mere mortals there are particular issues that will continue to be mysteries except we look for wisdom from the wisdom Himself(Jesus).

As a young lady , many times I question my existence because I can’t help the feeling of wanting to know why , how and what I am created for , have you ever wondered about this or am I alone in this search for meaning for my life . At every stage of my life , I come to find out that I have to deal with one issue , each bigger than the former , and in each of this issue , I have found myself stressed out because these answers to these issues just elude me all the time.

We live in a world that tells us we are almost self sufficient , a world that exalts ‘self’ above all things , a world that constantly reminds us that ‘ we are all that matters’ in this world , a world that tells us to rely on our ‘intellect and senses’. I never used to see myself as a proud person , infact I love to describe myself as an  amiable , humble girl from the countryside , this description has been a strong point I bring to God whenever am arguing my case before Him.

How wrong can I be , how so wrong can I be in this description of myself , these days I greatly struggle with what people generally call ‘ attitude’ , am beginning to have this ‘ am better than you attitude ‘ and it terribly breaks my heart because am breaking God’s heart also. This attitude doesn’t present itself like the green eyed monster PRIDE , it just subtly comes in conversations I have with friends , it dresses up in situations I should have left to God to handle , it poses as thoughts that filled my mind each day.

Am fortunately in the season of weddings, and everywhere I go or look , there must be  a song of ‘ here comes the bride ‘ and God knows am happy for them , but sometimes this green eyed monster shows up in my head and whispers ‘  how can this girl get this kind of man , I used to know her way back in school, she was wayward and flirty , how can she be married and I am not’, , sometimes it comes when  I see young ladies in their cars zooming off as I take my normal bike rides and  I think ‘ God , where did I miss it , why can’t I have a car too ‘.

Whenever I think these thoughts , I get all self righteous and haughty and it breaks my heart that I think like this , this attitude has gone a step further now and it putting itself against God . These days whenever I pray , I have errant thoughts that I am too good , so God should automatically give me all I ask of Him  , I have doubts that plague my mind like holocaust , and now I am beginning to get very scared because of these thoughts .

These thoughts will only put me into trouble and eternal damnation if I don’t consult the Teacher , He’s called Holy Spirit. Last week Sunday , God loving me , decided to put His words right in my Pastor’s heart , he started talking to us about how we need to step up our communication with the Holy spirit , He said the Holy Spirit is not a wind , nor a dove but a Person that has emotions , and He is very sensitive.

As my pastor spoke , something in me nudged me to start talking to my Teacher , to start asking Him to teach me how to think right , to teach  me to be someone that is indeed very humble , so I started talking to Him .

It felt strange and quite ordinary when I started , because it was as if I was talking to myself , but the more I speak , the more reassured I become that there is Someone right in my heart that is listening to my incoherent rabble. The first day passed and am still speaking and taking a pause here and there for Him to answer me , and now I tell him everything about me , ranging from my desire to be the  best at work , to my heart that skips whenever I think about that young man am falling in love  with and to my greatest need to please God , and live right only.

I am a young lady that is fastly learning  how to talk to the Holy Spirit , because He’s only one that can hold my head up  in this crazy world I found myself in.

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