My Church Business

Church to me means different things so whenever I listen to people and why they go to church , I usually feel lost . I hear things like ‘ I have been a Christian all my life , my dad is the founding pastor of our church , I met my husband in the church , I saw my first period in the church  ‘ and so on , to me it’s just different.

For a long time in life, in fact throughout my adolescence , my opinion about church was greatly twisted and warped , to me then church just represents a place , my parents force me to  go every Sunday , I hated to be forced but my folks gave no room for opinions ,so church I go to every Sunday. I remembered how I was coerced to join the quiz society , memorise hundreds of scriptures just for the sake of outbidding others at the next quiz event  . My cousin and I will sit at the back pew and bring out the M&B paperbacks we’ve brought from home and put it underneath the Bible , and read away as the pastor preaches for hours.

During that time , Bible was just like my General Mathematics textbook, that I avoid like a plague , most times I even forget my Bible in the church , some times that it followed me home , it normally takes residence on the dining table where oil, water and food particles lay a feast on its cover. Then ,I knew how to offhandedly rant Psalms and Proverbs , my Sunday school mates were always envious of my brilliance in the Word , I knew how many chapters were in the Old Testament , Ezekiel’s prophesy was a song on my lips whenever I stand up at  church events.

Church then was a place I religiously go to because I didn’t want to incur the wrath of God on me , as numerous pastors will say then , failure to tie my head scarf  served as a pointer to my punishment in hell, I didn’t love to read my Bible because I felt am too gone and too removed from God for Him to love me. Church was a place where we spend 8 hours of the day listening to sad music rendered by the dour looking choir , pray violently for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit and listen to the grave remembering sermons of the pastor.

So during this time I spent in Church , I wasn’t impacted on by the Holy Spirit because I just had the appearance of being a spiritual babe but I seriously lack the power thereof, then it doesn’t matter how many hours we spend in prayer sessions, how many deliverance services , my mum drag me to , I couldn’t just change because I have no relationship with the Father , I was far away from Him .

I saw Him as Someone that stays up there and punish humans anytime they make mistakes , I see Him as Someone so busy that He won’t listen to my childish rabble , I tried so much to win Him over to my side by my good works , by my almost perfect lifestyle but the more I do this , the more far away He looks to me.

In church I hear people talk about how God spoke to them over issues , they sounded so convincing , some of them even said they heard His voice audibly , I used to wonder the complexity of this , I find it  so hard to believe that the Creator of the whole earth will descend to talk to humans , I normally call their bluff .Soon I entered College , and this got even worse , my University had this peculiar system , it’s a school that has two types of students ; churchy students and social students.

Churchy students are the majority , everyone I know in my school  then go to church , every one around  me have the appearance of a born again Christian, they behave, talk and dress in a certain way   , so I religiously followed the trend , but again I missed the real thing , because it’s not about how I talk , or do , it’s about the  relationship that I need to have with God.

Five years in school and in church , still no relationship with the Father , because of my supposedly holy appearance , I was twice appointed as an   ‘EXCO’ in my church , but I couldn’t boast of one day I enjoyed in the presence of God , how sad can that be. But all through this time I have Him waiting for me , I have His spirit tugging at my heart waiting to be invited .

After school, I mean years after school , after series of mistakes , I came to find out that God loves me , though sometimes I have to shout it into  my subconscious so that it can stick . Years after running around , I came to find out that there is Power available in His Word , I don’t need  someone to mediate for me , I already have Jesus as my advocate , I came to know of His Love for me , and how I don’t need to bribe Him by my good works at all , it was then that CHURCH made sense to me , Church is not a place for perfect people , but a place where people that love and fear God come to worship at His feet, it’s a place where I can be naked and be not ashamed, where I can deal with all my issues , where I can just be Tolul that needs her father desperately . To me that’s church.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jennifer Abayowa (Jaycee)
    Dec 26, 2010 @ 22:24:58

    If only you knew how much I love this line, “Church is not a place for perfect people , but a place where people that love and fear God come to worship at His feet.”


    • Tolu
      Dec 27, 2010 @ 13:10:44

      thanks Jaycee, I love this post even though I wrote, it’s just so truthful of me to write this, i have admit I stepped on toes though, but it’s not about them , but about God.


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